Professional Release

Pursuing a defined path is, naturally, an attractive notion. Having something to do minimizes down-time and keeps the ball moving. When the rhythm becomes a mindless trance though, it can lead to problems, and perhaps crisis.

Much like an ostrich with its head under sand, being engrossed with a certain direction leaves no time for reflection and discourages alternate possibilities. I find myself constantly searching for ways to disrupt the direction I happen to be moving along. So much so I hold a university degree that is in nothing and everything at the same time. As soon as I am familiar with an area, a need arises to break free and start from scratch. Specializing into a niche of knowledge leaves me claustrophobic and gasping for fresh air. I tremble at the idea of one day holding a doctorate, where my qualifications occupy a sub-field of a sub-field. Graduate school now seems like four brick walls cementing a mind still capable of yoga.

I don’t know what to do to remedy the condition. I can only tell you what I have been doing. Side-projects. My free time currently goes into joining competitions and sending haphazard CVs to small companies who will take them. For more ambitious undertakings, I write up blue-prints that are as detailed as possible, to embark on during summer. So far nothing definite has come out of the extra effort, but it feels good to be actively trying to steer away from where I am supposedly headed. That said, there is a promising lead that might just extend a line in the near future.

From most of the people around me, I get a sense that they know what is next in line for them or where they would like to be. In my case, the future is shrouded in cloud, and that makes me happier than seeing a sunny picture. Happier because it means I am going out of my way for something different from the status-quo. And despite the stress and uncertainty associated with the present, upon looking back, the road followed will undoubtedly appear crystal clear. Until then, the search for that aloof happy ending lingers on.

 

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Soren Kierkegaard